When Everything's a Big Deal, Nothing Is

A rather sad trend in parenting these days is to celebrate every accomplishment - no matter how minuscule - in increasingly elaborate ways. Used to be that graduating high school and university were pretty much the only truly noteworthy events in a young person's life. Now, though, grade six graduations, kindergarten grads, even preschool grads are matters of pomp and circumstance too. It's all going just a little bit far. Same for sports teams where everybody gets the trophy even if they were the worst player on the lousiest team. Kids have so many medals and certificates that they become meaningless articles shoved in a drawer and forgotten the next day.

Kids aren't stupid; they know if they really worked hard at something or excel at something and actually merit an award. It's too bad more and more parents feel they have to make a big deal out of absolutely everything. It's sad because it debases the genuine accomplishments, which of course will be different for every child. Getting a high school diploma was actually no biggie for me because I knew I didn't have to work particularly hard for it. I cherished the English prize I received far more because that was my toughest subject; I felt I truly earned it. I felt proud of it.

So why do it? I guess the "keeping up with the Jones" factor is always at play. If every other kid is having a graduation party for kindergarten you probably should too or your child might feel left out. Perhaps some parents are feeling sorry for themselves and trying to recapture and reinvent childhoods where they didn't feel enough attention was paid to them. (I've never won a trophy for anything - guess I'm deprived!) And I'm sure a lot of it started with parents feeling guilty about not being there for all the little moments that are really what matter most in life. So they try to compensate - overcompensate - by putting special emphasis on easy to delineate events, even ones as small as finishing up the soccer season their kid missed most of the games of!

I worry a little about kids whose self-esteem is so fragile (or is being made that way by misguided parents) they have to get extrinsic rewards for every minor achievement. Life doesn't really work that way. How much better it would be to skip most of the medals and certificates and have a parent who sits across the kitchen table from their child and talks about each day, who knows what their child thinks and feels ... and, most importantly, when their child has done something truly special, no matter how small, and praises it. Now that's a child who will feel valued - and know what to value in life. That's a child who will be happy and successful even without a single trophy to show for it. Of course you should celebrate your big achievements with gusto. But knowing inside that you've tried your hardest and been your best is something to cherish even more.